‘Lasting Motivation’ The real holy grail…

I’m incredibly curious, I believe that successful strategies are only ever a few minor tweaks away. After years of being stuck in a ballooning body (peaking at 99kg/ a size 20), I now find joy and excitement in contemplating what small adjustments could easily shift me toward my goals. 

Of course it wasn’t always this way for me. I would ignore my failures, and suppress any awareness of my mistakes and be trapped and tricked into perpetuate them over and over again. Yes, I was ‘insane’… I did the same thing over and over and yet expected a different result – every time... Now after receiving the body, life, husband, family, business and career of my dreams… I have an insatiable appetite for uncovering the slight adjustments that make all the difference to helping myself and others to achieve our goals.

There are two ways that we all motivate ourselves. One burns us out and leaves us falling short of the mark… and the other is enduring and sustainable… After 8yrs of experience in weight-loss, having helped hundreds of others to lose weight, having shifted 30kg myself and having stayed slim for over 6 years… I’ve been blessed to identify a trend that is replayed over and over by countless thousands...

It’s trying to make change for others. Trying to take action or make change for your partner, children, lover, parent, Doctor etc. External motivation is changing for someone else. It starts out feeling pretty good… we get heaps done, fly around like a rocket, accomplish some fast wins… start feeling really proud of ourselves and then THUD, you wind up crashing and burning… You come down in a heap, and no matter how you fight it you can’t overcome the fatigue and exhaustion. External Motivation is simply unsustainable! 

Motivation simply means ‘why we do what we do’. It’s a powerful feeling. It prompts us to take action, it’s the feeling that we really want to do something or make change. But we need to remember that there are two styles of motivation. External motivation, which is hot and fiery and Internal motivation; which is feeling prompted to take action for your own self-interest. It’s about doing something because you care about you; because you want yourself to be happy, because you know how much calmer/joyous/simple or enriched your life will be if you choose to take this action/ make change. 

Seems pretty simple right… Try to do it for others and your steam will run out fast… You’ll lack sufficient follow through to create any lasting results. Or do it for yourself and stay consistent, and sure enough in time the results show up and you enjoy the process so much that you still keep going. Obviously right now, your probably realizing that internal motivation is the holy grail of lasting change. 

 

So ask yourself right now, what do I truly want most right now? Disregard any supposed limitation… If you could receive anything you truly desired what would it be? Write it down/ say it out loud now:

My deepest desire is: …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Great, well done. Now I want you to write down the 3 most powerful internal (you-focused) reasons why you want this (Reasons why it will directly benefit you personally):

1)

2)

3)

Now, how are you feeling? Can you feel that surge of power and energy inside, the light that has gone on, you have a sense of purpose and intention. This is what we are made for; to acknowledge our deepest desires, and to know why we truly want them, and then to go out and do whatever needs to be done to receive it/them/that.

Tragedies, trials, and tough times...

               None of us seem to be able to escape them. Sometimes just one experience can affect us for a lifetime, while some just find that the difficulties in between life’s sun shiny days are getting more and more frequent…  We’ve all had experiences we wish we could have avoided; that we wish never came our way… There are times I wished the earth would have opened up and swallowed me whole; it probably would’ve been less painful. 

              

               Alas there is no immunity. And while we sometimes get the fleeting feeling that our own plight pales in comparison to the challenges of another… It’s way too big of a stretch to honestly say that we could feel blessed to be in our situation... I often felt deep down (in a way you can’t even tell yourself) that no one had it harder than me… That life had made a mistake choosing me to be the bearer of this unwelcomed experience.  Sometimes when I was listening to someone talk about their current difficulties I would almost felt like stealing the show… stepping out onto stage, squinting into the bright lights, signaling the background music and telling my own sore tale… OK so maybe I was a bit little dramatic back then… lol Maybe I am a bit dramatic now…

             

But now I know that we’ve all experienced things, we once believed were impossible to endure. Hemingway shares “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.” Looking back on your own challenges from the past could you think of ways that it has made you stronger…

   

My 18 year struggle with food and weight has given me my purpose, mission and passion. Without my own struggle I wouldn’t have learned so much about myself. Overcoming those unproductive behaviors has given me freedom! Was it worth it – Absolutely! Did I think so at the time… Hell NO! The further I get from that time… the more I’m able appreciate it ♥ I love this quote from Iyanla Vanzant, "Sometimes you have to lose everything in order to gain yourself." And thanks heavens I have me ♥ So whatever your current situation, know that it can make you stronger, it could be a future blessing for you or maybe it’s just to help you find yourself!

I’ll leave you with this one from Byron Katie,  “Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do."

Trusting your Body

As I sit here and feel my baby girl move around inside me, I marvel at the miracle of what my body is capable of; without conscious orchestration from me, it has created a life!

How often do we really celebrate the magnificence of our body, let alone even spend a moment contemplating it?

Many of our natural bodily functions happen effortlessly, such as breathing, our heart beating, the digestion of our food. We teach intuitive eating as a means to reconnect with the innate wisdom our bodies possess. When we trust that our bodies are trying to guide us, and then learn to listen to what they are saying, weight loss and wellness can come easily.  

So where do you start if you’ve spent a lifetime ignoring and disconnecting from your body, believing it is untrustworthy or broken in some way?

Here are some suggestions of how our clients have begun to trust their bodies and move closer to total health, wellness and happiness:

·         Go to bed when you’re tired, no book, no TV, no distractions…sink into a peaceful slumber.

·         Ask yourself when you’re hungry “What do I truly feel like eating? Sweet, savoury, crunchy or salty, feel the difference when you really ‘hit the spot’.

·         Be completely present while you eat, savour the taste, the texture, the smell of your food.

·         Get close to nature, bare feet on the grass, walk in the fresh air, soak up some sunshine.

·         Have a bath, bubbles, candles, soothing music, the works!

·         Get a massage, facial or foot rub.

·         Express those pent up emotions, cry when you’re sad, laugh out loud when something is funny, shout into your pillow in anger if you feel disrespected, or sing at the top of your lungs when you feel joyous.

How many times do you ignore your intuitive promptings in a day because you’re too busy or you choose to make something (or someone) else more important? Choose to do one thing today that supports your body and makes you feel good.

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live”.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The Power of Self-Love and living with authenticity

Anna (not her real name) has been a People Pleaser for years. After going through two abusive relationships, she became intensely passionate about helping other women break free from abuse. She has spent much of her time, energy and vitality extending her hand to other women, so much so that her own health and well being has suffered. Now after many years of service to others, she has reached a new conclusion. The most important person to help and save first, is yourself. 

No amount of giving, service and kindness to others can ever help ourselves heal unless we first extend that gift of love and compassion to ourselves.

No matter how pure our intentions are to help and bless others, when we turn our backs on ourselves and neglect our deepest needs, we fall short of being able to truly give anything of real value to those around us.

Anna has decided to take time for herself, she shared… “I’m just going to be with me for a while”. After years of giving her time, energy and love she has realised that the one who needed it the most was with her all along.

Something special happens when you’re in the company of someone who is self-loving, self-accepting, and lives with authenticity. You can feel their power and how it also extends to your own soul and that of others a matching sense of peace, joy and love.

Authenticity is about developing an honest and loving relationship with who you really are. Not the person you wish you were, not the person you tried to mold yourself into, not even the person others tried to convince you that you were.

Allowing the fabricated concept of ourselves to fall away, allows us to finally perceive the real truth of who we are. To connect and embrace the ofttimes uncomfortable duality of our own raw true self. The sinful and pure nature we all own; our intelligence and stupidity, our generosity and greed… No excuses, no denial… just a comfort with the paradox of being everything and nothing all at the same time.

 When we take the courageous leap to simply accept and love ourselves unconditionally we have given the most powerful gifts available to all of humanity - the gifts of self-love and authenticity.

The Greatest Gift: Know yourself, Love yourself!

As I reflect on the greatest gifts I've received... I acknowledge the experience of struggling with my weight for some 13 years has been one of my greatest. Admittedly I would not have agreed back in that time. It's easy to hate on your own excess weight. It's easy to think it doesn't belong, that it's out of place... a mistake... a hindrance. I can see now that my cocoon was a protection, albeit an unappealing one. It was the consequence of my strategies in life, or my perspective on life. I never intended to gain weight... I don't think anyone ever does... nevertheless it is a by-product of other stresses, responses and fears of that time in my life. Now as I look back I can see what my weight symbolised for me: My fear, my lack of awareness, my insecurities, my distrust of life in general... 

One thing I wished I had realised back then is that Fat was an extension of me... it was me. When I hated my fat... I was only hating on myself. At the heart of excess weight is unhappiness in some way or many ways. One segment of your life, multiple segments or everything in general. It's easy to think that we are unhappy because of the excess weight, instead of seeing that the excess weight is merely a symptom of deeper underlying unhappiness. So instead of trying to change the symptom - The excess weight... What if you could go straight to the heart of it - To the true cause...?  What are you unhappy about? Are you willing to engage with the real pain and let go of the external struggle with your weight. It's not food... it's the pain you want to ignore that is causing you to eat more than you require. See past the illusion... address the cause, and watch the weight melt away.

Gina and I love and appreciate the days that we struggled with our weight, it was the vehicle of self-discovery that has blessed us more than we could imagine. Going inside ourselves, discovering our fears, joys and gifts has been deeply liberating. Making peace with who we really are... beginning to trust ourselves and respect ourselves has felt amazing!  We know that truly and deeply loving yourself is the only way out. I'll share with you a letter I once write myself... to remind myself of the precious truths I now see:

Dear Lysy,

For years you hid from your light, unsure of yourself… masking your gifts with mundane pre-occupations. Years of longing and jealousy… years observing others… Feeling unknown and alone… separate and worthless…

Your situation was designed perfectly to teach you compassion, forgiveness and love. Your wise perfectly appointed teachers played their roles as divinely agreed; to serve the great task of refining you.

Tumbling through the seas, waves tossed you to and fro… removing all the sharp edges to reveal you soft and smooth. You know yourself. You trust yourself. You’ve come so far, continue on… Be true, step forth and shine.

From Lysy

I hope this message may somehow apply to you too. May you also remember that - You’ve come so far, continue on… Be true, step forth and shine.