Slim to get happy, or get happy to slim

So many people assume being slim will make them happy. This underlying belief perpetuates the search for many who believe that ‘slim equals happy’. But if you’re like me and found being slimmer didn’t equate to being happier… you’re probably feeling unsure of the validity of this idea. Is happiness a by-product of our weight, or is our current weight a reflection of our happiness? What if you could get slimmer by being happier?

I had been overweight since I could remember, the pictures showed a beautiful girl who started getting chubby at 8; she continued to gain weight until she peaked at 99kg. I was never happy, and I found my unhappiness easy to blame on my weight. If I wasn’t so big I could enjoy swimming and sports... If I wasn’t so big I’d have more confidence to make friends or say what I think… If you’ve struggled with your weight, you'll also know that it can feel as though extra weight drains the goodness out of every experience… Or does it? Fast forward 5 years and I had dropped 30kg, and while I was happier with my appearance, that happiness didn’t blanket over my whole life. I felt jaded, I felt ripped-off that after shedding 30kg I was still quite miserable.

A miserable and gorgeous size 12 is nothing compared to a happy and gorgeous size 12.
When Gina's experiences concurred with mine; that every drop in her weight equated to an increase in her happiness, we both concluded the happier we are - the slimmer we become. When we focus our attention on our happiness, and actively seek to expand it, we ultimately slim easily and stay slim effortlessly. Have you met someone who believes their excess weight is the sole cause of their misery; they try so hard to lose it, that they end up gaining?

All of us have at least a portion of happiness in our lives. What if you chose to focus on this? Are you curious to see what would happen if you focused on increasing your happiness? The following 4 steps are suggestions you can use to slim easily by increasing your happiness.

Step 1) Identify the source of your current happiness.

Write down your gratitude list (start with 10 things), and remember what you focus on expands. Focus in regularly on all the reasons why you love your life, why you are blessed to be you, and why you get to feel good every day. For example your gratitude list might include: Beautiful weather, a call from a friend, an unexpected bonus, a good movie, finding a $2 coin, good teeth, weekends with family, rewarding friendships, or delicious food etc.

Step 2) Create a daily practice of focusing on what brings you joy.

Creating a habitual way of focusing on what brings you joy is the easiest way to make sure you get into the swing of it. Challenge yourself to focus on joy for one month. Weigh yourself tomorrow morning, then commit to a daily gratitude practice and see how good your results are.

Application Suggestions: a morning gratitude meditation, morning gratitude walk, singing about what you are grateful for (in the shower/car/around the house), or telling yourself why you’re grateful in your own mind.
I personally write a gratitude list every single day, as I reflect on my blessings I realise how easily I could have forgotten some of them. As I reflect and ponder upon why I’m grateful, myriads of experiences and feelings flow into my mind… A small blessing (there really are no small blessings are there), a kind deed or a special happening that may have gone unrecognised gently rises to the surface as I ask, "What am I grateful for"? Training our minds to focus on our blessings is one of the key habits of happy people (who are most often slim). This practice works universally for anyone willing to apply it. As you actively increase and seek out all of the things that bring you joy, fulfillment, peace and contentment, you’ll be welcoming more into your life.

Step 3) Contribute whatever you can to increase the happiness of others.


You definitely can’t give without receiving; and likewise you can actively turn the tides in your favour and receive more by giving. Remember, ‘what you focus on expands’. Watching others be happy will inadvertently increase your happiness as well.
Application Suggestions: donating/ sharing your time for neighbours/ co-workers/ family/ or friends. Making a genuine donation to a cause you believe in, preparing a meal for a friend or family member. Dropping off baking for someone you love etc will inadvertently increase your happiness too.

Step 4) Use words that uplift yourself and others

Listen to the words you use when you’re talking to others or yourself. The words you choose to use help to form and create the world in which you live. Actively choose words to think and say that will create more happiness for yourself and others. It’s a common mistake to try and decrease the stresses or things we don’t like in our life. But remember what you focus on expands; focus on what is stressing you… even if it’s for the sole purpose of decreasing it, and you may find it actually increases. I suggest a one month trial where you focus on everything you have that you want, that you love, that you enjoy… So many women connect slim with happy. I believe the true correlation is actually; when I’m happy, I’m slim.

‘Lasting Motivation’ The real holy grail…

I’m incredibly curious, I believe that successful strategies are only ever a few minor tweaks away. After years of being stuck in a ballooning body (peaking at 99kg/ a size 20), I now find joy and excitement in contemplating what small adjustments could easily shift me toward my goals. 

Of course it wasn’t always this way for me. I would ignore my failures, and suppress any awareness of my mistakes and be trapped and tricked into perpetuate them over and over again. Yes, I was ‘insane’… I did the same thing over and over and yet expected a different result – every time... Now after receiving the body, life, husband, family, business and career of my dreams… I have an insatiable appetite for uncovering the slight adjustments that make all the difference to helping myself and others to achieve our goals.

There are two ways that we all motivate ourselves. One burns us out and leaves us falling short of the mark… and the other is enduring and sustainable… After 8yrs of experience in weight-loss, having helped hundreds of others to lose weight, having shifted 30kg myself and having stayed slim for over 6 years… I’ve been blessed to identify a trend that is replayed over and over by countless thousands...

It’s trying to make change for others. Trying to take action or make change for your partner, children, lover, parent, Doctor etc. External motivation is changing for someone else. It starts out feeling pretty good… we get heaps done, fly around like a rocket, accomplish some fast wins… start feeling really proud of ourselves and then THUD, you wind up crashing and burning… You come down in a heap, and no matter how you fight it you can’t overcome the fatigue and exhaustion. External Motivation is simply unsustainable! 

Motivation simply means ‘why we do what we do’. It’s a powerful feeling. It prompts us to take action, it’s the feeling that we really want to do something or make change. But we need to remember that there are two styles of motivation. External motivation, which is hot and fiery and Internal motivation; which is feeling prompted to take action for your own self-interest. It’s about doing something because you care about you; because you want yourself to be happy, because you know how much calmer/joyous/simple or enriched your life will be if you choose to take this action/ make change. 

Seems pretty simple right… Try to do it for others and your steam will run out fast… You’ll lack sufficient follow through to create any lasting results. Or do it for yourself and stay consistent, and sure enough in time the results show up and you enjoy the process so much that you still keep going. Obviously right now, your probably realizing that internal motivation is the holy grail of lasting change. 

 

So ask yourself right now, what do I truly want most right now? Disregard any supposed limitation… If you could receive anything you truly desired what would it be? Write it down/ say it out loud now:

My deepest desire is: …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Great, well done. Now I want you to write down the 3 most powerful internal (you-focused) reasons why you want this (Reasons why it will directly benefit you personally):

1)

2)

3)

Now, how are you feeling? Can you feel that surge of power and energy inside, the light that has gone on, you have a sense of purpose and intention. This is what we are made for; to acknowledge our deepest desires, and to know why we truly want them, and then to go out and do whatever needs to be done to receive it/them/that.

Week 4, Intuitive Eating Challenge for Isabelle & Lilly

Isabelle

I would say this has been a good week.  I'm feeling much more in touch with myself, in terms of my hunger and emotions.  I've been trying really hard to focus on my hunger and satiety this week, and it's worked!  I've definitely eaten less this week, and when I've had the feelings of 'I just want to eat' I have managed to put them aside and distract myself with other things until I am actually hungry, which for me, is a pretty big deal!

I've had all the so called 'bad foods' that I tried to avoid before, but just in smaller quantities than I may have indulged in previously, and for instance last night got thai takeaways for dinner only to find I didn't need much of it to feel satisfied, so put the rest in the fridge and finished it for lunch today, when before I would have eaten it all, just because it was there. 

I'm feeling a lot more positive about the process, just hoping I can really stay on track and watch the weight fall off!

This week, I have lost another 600g :-) I'm now 76.9kg

Lilly

I am really beginning to feel free. I am not perfect in following the 3 principles, but I no longer beat myself up; my success each day does not rely on an accounting of how ‘good’ I was and how hard I worked out. It’s actually been 3 weeks since I participated in structured exercise, 3 weeks since I monitored my every choice regarding food. It is lovely to simply realise you are hungry and simply eat something delicious.

Regarding my emotional eating, I am beginning a new process this week. I have heard some wonderful things said about how new lives, new opportunities and great joy involve a great deal of risk and faith. Right now, I can only see one step in front of me. It’s a challenge for such a control freak, and I sometimes turn to food to feel that sense of control. It’s like having a best friend. She says she knows what I need. She’s been so embracing, warm and comfortable, but now she holds me back. She’s fearful and doesn’t want me to change. 

 

This week, I am saying goodbye to my destructive best friend: my ‘fat chick’ alter ego. She needs to move out.

I've just moved, and haven't had access to any scales this week... So it will be interesting to see what my results are next week. 

Intuitive Eating Challenge for Guest Bloggers Isabelle & Lilly

Isabelle

My first big realisation of this week is that I am a chronic emotional eater.  I always have to eat everything on my plate, always have eyes bigger than my stomach and eat at times I’m just not hungry, but ‘want’ food.  I push myself to the feeling of uncomfortably full, instead of stopping when I’ve had enough – it’s like I feel as though I will be missing out if I don’t eat it now.

This week I have been focussing on only eating when I am hungry, however this hasn’t always worked to plan.  The most difficult times I found were family meal times - it's hard when you're sitting around the table for dinner to say, 'No thanks, I'm not hungry!'

I’m often thinking that I ‘might get hungry later’, however I need to learn that being hungry for a couple of hours isn’t the worst thing in the world.  On the upside, this week I have been eating what I like, instead of trying to be good, which has been nice! Although the Burger King I had for dinner on Saturday night made me feel pretty vile, so I won’t be having that again in a hurry!  It’s nice to begin to understand what makes me feel good and what makes me feel rubbish, so I need to make note of these things and not put myself through it again!  Onwards and upwards, looking forward to next week!

My start weight at the beginning of this week was 78.2kg and today is 77.8kg - 400g loss.

Lilly in London

Since moving to the UK, I haven’t been surrounded by food in the same way I was in Sydney. I live with other young people instead of family now so the fridge usually borders on empty. I don’t know where all the great places are to eat and there’s a definite lack of variety here and I’m not working, so there’s no scheduled food breaks where I feel obliged to eat.

Hunger seems to be this annoying little knock to my brain. I tend to be a very cerebral person, judging hunger from the time, the distance since my last meal and the deliciousness potential of the food. But here, I’m getting the ravenous feeling. Last night was wonderful. I ate a creamy pasta, garlic bread, a chocolate sundae and a hot chocolate. And yet this morning, I’m ravenous again! Eating when I’m hungry has been interesting; I’ve found my body to be very demanding. All this because I am letting it call the shots and not me!

It’s been a perfect time to experiment with what my body is telling me. And I’ve been noticing that I am hungry, it seems, ALL THE TIME. I wake up hungry. I eat breakfast. I start to job hunt and before I know it, the distracting emptiness is in my stomach again. I have lunch and then suddenly it seems I need something again. And sometimes I even feel hungry going to bed. I haven’t always been able to obey my hunger- in that I’ve gone home first to eat due to cost, but I don’t remember being this hungry in Sydney. I guess food was in my face there, and I was not listening to my body.

My start weight at the beginning of this week was 104kg and today is 103.5kg - 500g loss.

Principle Two - Only Eat When You're Physically Hungry

I woke up this morning; looked at the clock and yep it was breakfast time, so I thought about what I wanted to eat. Maybe some toast with jam or peanut butter, a hot cross bun or two, pancakes perhaps?  Thinking about food I felt the desire to eat; I could even imagine how those foods would taste…yum!

Then I did something many of us (particularly if we struggle with excess weight) have lost touch with doing… I took a moment to check in with my body to ask whether it was hungry or not.  Was I feeling a physical sensation in the area of my stomach?  Um…that would be no. 

I used to struggle with my weight. I was a binge eater, I ate in secret in my room and after eating too much I would try and starve myself to ‘balance’ things out. I was fat, frustrated and miserable.  That was also 10 years ago, and now I am slim. Now I chose to eat like naturally slim people do, and as I believe nature intends for us.  I eat intuitively by listening to and trusting my body to guide me on when, what and how much to eat…

The first principle we teach on the pathway to intuitive eating is to ‘Only Eat When You’re Physically Hungry’.

So why is this important? 

 

Hunger is the physical sensation of desiring to eat food. It is a natural, normal signal that tells our bodies we're getting low on energy and it’s time to refuel. If we eat when we’re physically hungry, our bodies are ready to process and use that energy. Eating when we’re not hungry signals our bodies to store the excess energy as fat.

In our ‘Intuitive Eating’ workshops we often ask people to put up their hands if they felt physical hunger today.  Usually about 20% of the room raise their hands, the rest look about sheepishly to see where they fit in with the group.

In our culture it has become ‘normal’ to eat 3 meals a day, about 8am, 12pm and 6pm sometimes with snacks in between, sometimes not. Instead of using our internal cues to know when to nourish ourselves we are using external cues to guide us. This is leading us to struggle with excess weight and obesity.

So how do I get started?

You need to know what they physical sensation of hunger feels like for you and you need to wait to feel it before you eat.

What does hunger feel like?

Many people describe it as an empty feeling, a gnawing in the stomach, a grumbling or rumbling sensation. Sometimes you can actually hear your stomach ‘growl’. Whatever it is for you, if you haven’t felt it in some time you’ll need to stop eating and wait until you can discern it. This may mean starting the day by skipping breakfast, possibly even lunch too. We’re had women go a whole day just drinking water until they felt true physical hunger. Trust that you’re body will provide a signal and when it does it’s time to eat.

So you’re going to give this a try? Great, you’re on your way to eating like a naturally slim person.  

But…,there are two more guiding principles that you need to know about and practice to be a true intuitive eater.

They are:

2.       Stop eating when you’re satisfied 

3.       Eat anything you’re body truly wants to eat

Next week we’ll talk more about Principle 2.

Intuitive Eating

Ten years ago I was training to become a Dietitian, at the same time I was struggling to shift 10kg. Dieting or starving myself one day, binge eating and gorging the next,  I was trapped in an emotional and physical battle with my mind and my body.  What I wanted more than anything was to be normal, like my size 8 girlfriend who seemed to eat whatever she wanted and still stay slim. I was convinced being slim would make me happy; I desperately envied my tiny friend who I thought had it all.

Four years at University taught me weight loss is about calories in versus calories out. The scientific bottom line….if you use up more calories in a day than you consume, weight loss is the result.  What could be simpler? Yet, in practice what I couldn’t seem to master was how to make that actually happen, let alone sustain it long-term!

I was many years older and a good 10kg’s lighter before I came to understand that there is a way of eating (known to my naturally slim girlfriend) that is simple, sustainable and just makes sense! This I now know is called ‘Intuitive Eating’.

So what is Intuitive Eating?

It’s becoming attuned to our bodies natural hunger and satiety signals to know what, when and how much to eat. It's a process that helps create a healthy relationship with food, mind and body.

We are all born with the ability to discern the physical signs of hunger and satiety that will guide us to know how to attain and maintain a normal, healthy weight. Many of us, particularly if we struggle with excess weight, have lost this natural ability to be self-guided around food and eating because we have been taught to look outside ourselves for the answers.

We want you to know that dieting and struggling with your weight can be a distant memory, as it is now for us.

Intuitive Eating is a big part of the solution and yet our world paradigm remains locked in the old, outdated approach of dieting that teaches us using our willpower to restrict, deprive and override our normal natural eating cues is the answer to being slim.

We have dropped 40kg combined and have stay slim for 16 years. We are passionate about helping others break free from dieting, emotional eating and the battle with excess weight that creates a myriad of pain in all areas of our lives. It is our vision that soon the ‘dieting’ paradigm will be extinct and a new paradigm will reign, one that puts the power back in the individuals’ hands.

So how can I learn Intuitive Eating?

We travel New Zealand teaching ‘Intuitive eating’ in work-shops, we also coach clients one on one in both New Zealand and Australia to help them discover how to apply the philosophy to create weight-loss results. At our workshops we begin by teaching 3 simple principles that will help you begin to learn to eat intuitively.

They are:

1.       Eat only when you are physically hungry

2.       Stop eating when you are satisfied

3.       Eat anything your body truly wants to eat

Over the next 3 weeks we’ll explore each of these principles in greater depth.  In the meantime, ask yourself ….”Am I ready to let go of the struggle with my weight and food? “Am I ready to trust the one person I haven’t been trusting to make decisions about my body and what I put into it?

(Written by Gina)

The need for balance

Do you save too much money, only to end up spending too much…?

Do you clean your house completely or leave it until the mess is overwhelming…?

Have you pushed yourself through 5 days of exercise only to take the next whole week (month) off?

          Do you fall into patterns of ‘All or Nothing’? The All or Nothing can strike in a wide variety of areas in your life. The appeal of the All or Nothing comes from the idea that a great deal of time, energy and effort invested, can yield remarkable results. And when we consider what we can accomplish when we use the all or nothing in our own lives, it certainly does deliver results… True!

 

          Nevertheless it also drains, tires and wears us out. 

          Because of the results this strategy delivers, it can be easy to become trapped in its draining effects.

Becoming aware of the reality of the full effects of the All or Nothing is the first step in breaking free from it. We have power to change when we remember that when we put our all into something, at some point the backlash will require that we swing the other way and give nothing to it as well.

          Balance, variety and temperance are the key words that can help us navigate away from extremes and off towards the ease of moderation. Not only is moderation more easy on your energy levels, it is also more sustainable. And when it comes to the habits that foster weight-loss results, we only want what will be sustainable and enjoyable.

Suggested Affirmations:

“I trust consistency to move me forward”

“I live in ease”

“I flow gently”

“I live in balance and peace”

“I walk the middle road”

“I see what I want, and trust I will get there”

“With small and simple things, great things come to pass”

Quotes:

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop." Confucius

"We’re too distracted with the “doingness” of our daily lives, so we take the easiest, most accustomed route of the path of least resistance, even if it leads us somewhere we don’t really want to go." Debbie Ford

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." Anthony Robbins

How Can I Get What I Want?

Have you ever said “I don’t want to eat that cake?” and then found yourself eating it? Why is it when we say we don’t want something, that’s exactly what we get? 

What happens when you say “don’t be late, don’t be late”?… You end up being late.  

Have you heard that our mind is composed of conscious and unconscious parts?  Our conscious mind is in control of our conscious will and is the part that sets goals.  Our unconscious mind is the part that goes through the motions required to reach our goal.

In order to be successful, you need your conscious mind and your unconscious mind to be in harmony.  One way to tell if your conscious and unconscious mind is in harmony, will be that you reach the goals you set for yourself. 

So how can you harmonise these two parts? 

First understand our unconscious mind cannot process negatives. It doesn’t process “don’t or no”. The unconscious mind doesn’t judge, it simply does what it is told.

Imagine I said to you “Don’t think of a big yellow canary”. What did you just see in your mind right now?  How come when I said don’t think of a big yellow canary, that’s what you see? Your unconscious mind will only focus on the big yellow canary and instantly produces a picture of one in your mind. 

So when we say, “I don’t want to be fat”, your unconscious mind processes the information as “I want to be fat” and that’s what you get. Or “I don’t want to eat the cake…” becomes “I want to eat the cake.”

“Here’s the problem. Most people are thinking about what theydon’t want, and they’re wondering why it shows up over and over again.” John Assaraf

Flip It 

Activity: In order to focus your mind on achieving your goal, play ‘Flip It’. Spend a few minutes listing all the things you commonly say you don’t want.  Then “Flip It” into a statement of what it is you do want. This is the most vital step to achieving the right mind-set.

“Slim Thought” I do what I can, when I can for as long as I like

“Fat Thought” I have to do heaps of exercise to lose weight

There is a common idea that excess weight will only come off if you do frequent, grueling exercise. When people have this idea about exercise, they push themselves so hard that they either injure themselves or end up resenting exercise all together. Actually this idea alone can lead to weight gain. Why? Remember when you started trying to exercise hard to get that excess weight off, and then you pushed yourself so hard that you ended up hating exercise, so you gave up and did nothing for a few months only to realize that you’d gotten bigger?

A similar idea we’ve heard a lot, is that if you over-eat, you have to work hard to burn it off. Using exercise as a form of punishment is extremely detrimental to long term healthy habits. Focusing on guilt, judgment and punishment are all such strong negative emotions; they will allow you to push through a grueling 1hr work-out once, but your capacity to keep this up will only diminish over time...  to the point where you may feel like you just can’t do anything active at all… Fat people have locked in exercise as a fat burning strategy; they use it to get the weight off… So what happens once you are slim? 

“Slim Thought” I do what I can, when I can for as long as I like

The key to being slim is always a matter of sustainability in all matters, especially activity. It doesn’t matter what you do, for how long or even how intense it is. What matters most is that you enjoy being active regularly. When you choose the forms of activity that appeal most to you (E.g. Walking, swimming, team sports, dance classes etc.) rather than (Weights, spin classes, mountain climbing ect); you are placing good feeling into the concept of activity. Slim people love to move and always choose to be active when they want to, and only for as long as they are enjoying it. It’s because of this attitude to activity they’ve got such good feelings around activity that it empowers them to be consistent. It’s consistently enjoying feeling good while being active that will help you become slim and stay slim.

For slim people, exercise/activity is not merely a fat burning outlet. They choose to be active for multiple reasons. They want to be active to feel good, enjoy the weather, have fun with family or friends, take time-out for themselves, or even to reflect on their day or clear their mind.