Slim to get happy, or get happy to slim

So many people assume being slim will make them happy. This underlying belief perpetuates the search for many who believe that ‘slim equals happy’. But if you’re like me and found being slimmer didn’t equate to being happier… you’re probably feeling unsure of the validity of this idea. Is happiness a by-product of our weight, or is our current weight a reflection of our happiness? What if you could get slimmer by being happier?

I had been overweight since I could remember, the pictures showed a beautiful girl who started getting chubby at 8; she continued to gain weight until she peaked at 99kg. I was never happy, and I found my unhappiness easy to blame on my weight. If I wasn’t so big I could enjoy swimming and sports... If I wasn’t so big I’d have more confidence to make friends or say what I think… If you’ve struggled with your weight, you'll also know that it can feel as though extra weight drains the goodness out of every experience… Or does it? Fast forward 5 years and I had dropped 30kg, and while I was happier with my appearance, that happiness didn’t blanket over my whole life. I felt jaded, I felt ripped-off that after shedding 30kg I was still quite miserable.

A miserable and gorgeous size 12 is nothing compared to a happy and gorgeous size 12.
When Gina's experiences concurred with mine; that every drop in her weight equated to an increase in her happiness, we both concluded the happier we are - the slimmer we become. When we focus our attention on our happiness, and actively seek to expand it, we ultimately slim easily and stay slim effortlessly. Have you met someone who believes their excess weight is the sole cause of their misery; they try so hard to lose it, that they end up gaining?

All of us have at least a portion of happiness in our lives. What if you chose to focus on this? Are you curious to see what would happen if you focused on increasing your happiness? The following 4 steps are suggestions you can use to slim easily by increasing your happiness.

Step 1) Identify the source of your current happiness.

Write down your gratitude list (start with 10 things), and remember what you focus on expands. Focus in regularly on all the reasons why you love your life, why you are blessed to be you, and why you get to feel good every day. For example your gratitude list might include: Beautiful weather, a call from a friend, an unexpected bonus, a good movie, finding a $2 coin, good teeth, weekends with family, rewarding friendships, or delicious food etc.

Step 2) Create a daily practice of focusing on what brings you joy.

Creating a habitual way of focusing on what brings you joy is the easiest way to make sure you get into the swing of it. Challenge yourself to focus on joy for one month. Weigh yourself tomorrow morning, then commit to a daily gratitude practice and see how good your results are.

Application Suggestions: a morning gratitude meditation, morning gratitude walk, singing about what you are grateful for (in the shower/car/around the house), or telling yourself why you’re grateful in your own mind.
I personally write a gratitude list every single day, as I reflect on my blessings I realise how easily I could have forgotten some of them. As I reflect and ponder upon why I’m grateful, myriads of experiences and feelings flow into my mind… A small blessing (there really are no small blessings are there), a kind deed or a special happening that may have gone unrecognised gently rises to the surface as I ask, "What am I grateful for"? Training our minds to focus on our blessings is one of the key habits of happy people (who are most often slim). This practice works universally for anyone willing to apply it. As you actively increase and seek out all of the things that bring you joy, fulfillment, peace and contentment, you’ll be welcoming more into your life.

Step 3) Contribute whatever you can to increase the happiness of others.


You definitely can’t give without receiving; and likewise you can actively turn the tides in your favour and receive more by giving. Remember, ‘what you focus on expands’. Watching others be happy will inadvertently increase your happiness as well.
Application Suggestions: donating/ sharing your time for neighbours/ co-workers/ family/ or friends. Making a genuine donation to a cause you believe in, preparing a meal for a friend or family member. Dropping off baking for someone you love etc will inadvertently increase your happiness too.

Step 4) Use words that uplift yourself and others

Listen to the words you use when you’re talking to others or yourself. The words you choose to use help to form and create the world in which you live. Actively choose words to think and say that will create more happiness for yourself and others. It’s a common mistake to try and decrease the stresses or things we don’t like in our life. But remember what you focus on expands; focus on what is stressing you… even if it’s for the sole purpose of decreasing it, and you may find it actually increases. I suggest a one month trial where you focus on everything you have that you want, that you love, that you enjoy… So many women connect slim with happy. I believe the true correlation is actually; when I’m happy, I’m slim.

The Power of Self-Love and living with authenticity

Anna (not her real name) has been a People Pleaser for years. After going through two abusive relationships, she became intensely passionate about helping other women break free from abuse. She has spent much of her time, energy and vitality extending her hand to other women, so much so that her own health and well being has suffered. Now after many years of service to others, she has reached a new conclusion. The most important person to help and save first, is yourself. 

No amount of giving, service and kindness to others can ever help ourselves heal unless we first extend that gift of love and compassion to ourselves.

No matter how pure our intentions are to help and bless others, when we turn our backs on ourselves and neglect our deepest needs, we fall short of being able to truly give anything of real value to those around us.

Anna has decided to take time for herself, she shared… “I’m just going to be with me for a while”. After years of giving her time, energy and love she has realised that the one who needed it the most was with her all along.

Something special happens when you’re in the company of someone who is self-loving, self-accepting, and lives with authenticity. You can feel their power and how it also extends to your own soul and that of others a matching sense of peace, joy and love.

Authenticity is about developing an honest and loving relationship with who you really are. Not the person you wish you were, not the person you tried to mold yourself into, not even the person others tried to convince you that you were.

Allowing the fabricated concept of ourselves to fall away, allows us to finally perceive the real truth of who we are. To connect and embrace the ofttimes uncomfortable duality of our own raw true self. The sinful and pure nature we all own; our intelligence and stupidity, our generosity and greed… No excuses, no denial… just a comfort with the paradox of being everything and nothing all at the same time.

 When we take the courageous leap to simply accept and love ourselves unconditionally we have given the most powerful gifts available to all of humanity - the gifts of self-love and authenticity.

The Greatest Gift: Know yourself, Love yourself!

As I reflect on the greatest gifts I've received... I acknowledge the experience of struggling with my weight for some 13 years has been one of my greatest. Admittedly I would not have agreed back in that time. It's easy to hate on your own excess weight. It's easy to think it doesn't belong, that it's out of place... a mistake... a hindrance. I can see now that my cocoon was a protection, albeit an unappealing one. It was the consequence of my strategies in life, or my perspective on life. I never intended to gain weight... I don't think anyone ever does... nevertheless it is a by-product of other stresses, responses and fears of that time in my life. Now as I look back I can see what my weight symbolised for me: My fear, my lack of awareness, my insecurities, my distrust of life in general... 

One thing I wished I had realised back then is that Fat was an extension of me... it was me. When I hated my fat... I was only hating on myself. At the heart of excess weight is unhappiness in some way or many ways. One segment of your life, multiple segments or everything in general. It's easy to think that we are unhappy because of the excess weight, instead of seeing that the excess weight is merely a symptom of deeper underlying unhappiness. So instead of trying to change the symptom - The excess weight... What if you could go straight to the heart of it - To the true cause...?  What are you unhappy about? Are you willing to engage with the real pain and let go of the external struggle with your weight. It's not food... it's the pain you want to ignore that is causing you to eat more than you require. See past the illusion... address the cause, and watch the weight melt away.

Gina and I love and appreciate the days that we struggled with our weight, it was the vehicle of self-discovery that has blessed us more than we could imagine. Going inside ourselves, discovering our fears, joys and gifts has been deeply liberating. Making peace with who we really are... beginning to trust ourselves and respect ourselves has felt amazing!  We know that truly and deeply loving yourself is the only way out. I'll share with you a letter I once write myself... to remind myself of the precious truths I now see:

Dear Lysy,

For years you hid from your light, unsure of yourself… masking your gifts with mundane pre-occupations. Years of longing and jealousy… years observing others… Feeling unknown and alone… separate and worthless…

Your situation was designed perfectly to teach you compassion, forgiveness and love. Your wise perfectly appointed teachers played their roles as divinely agreed; to serve the great task of refining you.

Tumbling through the seas, waves tossed you to and fro… removing all the sharp edges to reveal you soft and smooth. You know yourself. You trust yourself. You’ve come so far, continue on… Be true, step forth and shine.

From Lysy

I hope this message may somehow apply to you too. May you also remember that - You’ve come so far, continue on… Be true, step forth and shine.