Slim to get happy, or get happy to slim

So many people assume being slim will make them happy. This underlying belief perpetuates the search for many who believe that ‘slim equals happy’. But if you’re like me and found being slimmer didn’t equate to being happier… you’re probably feeling unsure of the validity of this idea. Is happiness a by-product of our weight, or is our current weight a reflection of our happiness? What if you could get slimmer by being happier?

I had been overweight since I could remember, the pictures showed a beautiful girl who started getting chubby at 8; she continued to gain weight until she peaked at 99kg. I was never happy, and I found my unhappiness easy to blame on my weight. If I wasn’t so big I could enjoy swimming and sports... If I wasn’t so big I’d have more confidence to make friends or say what I think… If you’ve struggled with your weight, you'll also know that it can feel as though extra weight drains the goodness out of every experience… Or does it? Fast forward 5 years and I had dropped 30kg, and while I was happier with my appearance, that happiness didn’t blanket over my whole life. I felt jaded, I felt ripped-off that after shedding 30kg I was still quite miserable.

A miserable and gorgeous size 12 is nothing compared to a happy and gorgeous size 12.
When Gina's experiences concurred with mine; that every drop in her weight equated to an increase in her happiness, we both concluded the happier we are - the slimmer we become. When we focus our attention on our happiness, and actively seek to expand it, we ultimately slim easily and stay slim effortlessly. Have you met someone who believes their excess weight is the sole cause of their misery; they try so hard to lose it, that they end up gaining?

All of us have at least a portion of happiness in our lives. What if you chose to focus on this? Are you curious to see what would happen if you focused on increasing your happiness? The following 4 steps are suggestions you can use to slim easily by increasing your happiness.

Step 1) Identify the source of your current happiness.

Write down your gratitude list (start with 10 things), and remember what you focus on expands. Focus in regularly on all the reasons why you love your life, why you are blessed to be you, and why you get to feel good every day. For example your gratitude list might include: Beautiful weather, a call from a friend, an unexpected bonus, a good movie, finding a $2 coin, good teeth, weekends with family, rewarding friendships, or delicious food etc.

Step 2) Create a daily practice of focusing on what brings you joy.

Creating a habitual way of focusing on what brings you joy is the easiest way to make sure you get into the swing of it. Challenge yourself to focus on joy for one month. Weigh yourself tomorrow morning, then commit to a daily gratitude practice and see how good your results are.

Application Suggestions: a morning gratitude meditation, morning gratitude walk, singing about what you are grateful for (in the shower/car/around the house), or telling yourself why you’re grateful in your own mind.
I personally write a gratitude list every single day, as I reflect on my blessings I realise how easily I could have forgotten some of them. As I reflect and ponder upon why I’m grateful, myriads of experiences and feelings flow into my mind… A small blessing (there really are no small blessings are there), a kind deed or a special happening that may have gone unrecognised gently rises to the surface as I ask, "What am I grateful for"? Training our minds to focus on our blessings is one of the key habits of happy people (who are most often slim). This practice works universally for anyone willing to apply it. As you actively increase and seek out all of the things that bring you joy, fulfillment, peace and contentment, you’ll be welcoming more into your life.

Step 3) Contribute whatever you can to increase the happiness of others.


You definitely can’t give without receiving; and likewise you can actively turn the tides in your favour and receive more by giving. Remember, ‘what you focus on expands’. Watching others be happy will inadvertently increase your happiness as well.
Application Suggestions: donating/ sharing your time for neighbours/ co-workers/ family/ or friends. Making a genuine donation to a cause you believe in, preparing a meal for a friend or family member. Dropping off baking for someone you love etc will inadvertently increase your happiness too.

Step 4) Use words that uplift yourself and others

Listen to the words you use when you’re talking to others or yourself. The words you choose to use help to form and create the world in which you live. Actively choose words to think and say that will create more happiness for yourself and others. It’s a common mistake to try and decrease the stresses or things we don’t like in our life. But remember what you focus on expands; focus on what is stressing you… even if it’s for the sole purpose of decreasing it, and you may find it actually increases. I suggest a one month trial where you focus on everything you have that you want, that you love, that you enjoy… So many women connect slim with happy. I believe the true correlation is actually; when I’m happy, I’m slim.

Open up & receive True Love

I think we all yearn for a true genuine experience of ‘Love’ with another. There are a million billion expressions of true love; each one patiently awaiting the perfect recipient… I believe true love is always ready, willing and waiting for us to receive and enjoy its splendor. We only need to remove our internal barriers, and live in trust and hope.

Of all of the delightful and desirable experiences in life, none surpass the elevation of what is, ‘True Love’. Within the meaning of this simple phrase holds a sacred feeling we all long to know and express. I’d love to share my definition of true love, and invite you to write down your own special meaning of todays’ blog topic.

True love is the shared experience of being connected, complete, enriched and alive that grows through reciprocation.

True Love is always reciprocated… it’s wanting to spend all your time together, despite knowing you can never get enough. Your heart always knows true love (while your head can struggle to accept it), moments flow, trust, openness and reliability are mutually shared and forgiveness is extended easily.

Unfortunately after so many unsatisfying experiences on the quest for true love… you can begin to feel lost. It can seem easier to give up hope, and simply presume true love doesn’t exist, than to risk opening up to the hurt again. But eventually I believe we all continue to seek it; we are all driven to find our own expression of a love that is true.

If we use our past to try and predict the future then we become stuck in a never ending cycle of re-creating the less than glorious reflections of love… But if we use our past to learn the contrast, or what’s not of ‘true love’, then we allow ourselves to draw nearer to it with each experience. 

So, how do we unconsciously block ourselves from receiving true love: 

·        We get jealous of others in love

It’s so important to honor the love you see in others, pay attention to how they feel together… Allow yourself to feel that feeling when you see others in love.

·        We try to ‘figure out’ how to find our true love

We only try to figure out where love is when we doubt that it will come to us. Live in faith and trust that true love is coming to you.

·        We worry we aren’t good enough for our true love

Focusing on why you won’t/can’t receive love will repel love further away. Exactly as we are right now, we are worthy of the gift of true love.

·        We treat ourselves unlovingly

Expecting another to love us when we are being unloving to ourselves is like trying to swim without getting wet.

·        We wait for love (stop living and enjoying life)

When we live in desperation for love, we are feeding the fear that it will not come and actively distance ourselves from receiving it.

·        We talk about what we’ll do if we don’t find our true love

Once again imagining a future based on our fear creates a future fulfilling our fears

·        We try to make someone our ‘True Love’

True love cannot be forced, cajoled, fooled, manipulated, delayed, procrastinated, or avoided… it will come at the perfect time and is a gift that can only be received not manufactured.

Q: True love sounds too ‘fairy tale’ for me… I doubt there is any true love for me out there. 

A: It’s true that some people don’t enjoy the notion of true love, and if that’s not what you want then that’s a great thing to know about yourself. The case most often is that the true skeptics are almost always the true love die hard romantics who keep their inner most longings tucked away.

Q: What if I don’t feel ready to meet my true love?

A: Then that is great to know, remember the universe is always in perfect synchronicity. If you’re not ready, then your true love will be getting ready for you too. Trust the pause is allowing you both to develop and grow until the perfect time comes for you to meet.

Q: What if the man/woman I think is my true love, doesn’t feel the same way towards me

A: He/She is a sign post to help you acknowledge the traits and attributes you know will belong to your true love. Thank him/her and continue to open up to receive your true love. True love is always reciprocated; you will both love one another more than you ever thought was possible.

Q: What if I attract someone who is not my idea of true love?

A: Great, this is contrast, they are sent to you to help you continue to refine your idea of what your true love is for you. Get the learning and move on to receive your true love.

Affirmation Suggestions: to support you to open up and receive true love:

·        My heart will guide me to my true love

·        I trust in perfect divine timing bringing us together at exactly the right time

·        I open myself to receive true love

·        I breath in love, I exhale peace

·        I romance myself, and I fall in love with me

‘Lasting Motivation’ The real holy grail…

I’m incredibly curious, I believe that successful strategies are only ever a few minor tweaks away. After years of being stuck in a ballooning body (peaking at 99kg/ a size 20), I now find joy and excitement in contemplating what small adjustments could easily shift me toward my goals. 

Of course it wasn’t always this way for me. I would ignore my failures, and suppress any awareness of my mistakes and be trapped and tricked into perpetuate them over and over again. Yes, I was ‘insane’… I did the same thing over and over and yet expected a different result – every time... Now after receiving the body, life, husband, family, business and career of my dreams… I have an insatiable appetite for uncovering the slight adjustments that make all the difference to helping myself and others to achieve our goals.

There are two ways that we all motivate ourselves. One burns us out and leaves us falling short of the mark… and the other is enduring and sustainable… After 8yrs of experience in weight-loss, having helped hundreds of others to lose weight, having shifted 30kg myself and having stayed slim for over 6 years… I’ve been blessed to identify a trend that is replayed over and over by countless thousands...

It’s trying to make change for others. Trying to take action or make change for your partner, children, lover, parent, Doctor etc. External motivation is changing for someone else. It starts out feeling pretty good… we get heaps done, fly around like a rocket, accomplish some fast wins… start feeling really proud of ourselves and then THUD, you wind up crashing and burning… You come down in a heap, and no matter how you fight it you can’t overcome the fatigue and exhaustion. External Motivation is simply unsustainable! 

Motivation simply means ‘why we do what we do’. It’s a powerful feeling. It prompts us to take action, it’s the feeling that we really want to do something or make change. But we need to remember that there are two styles of motivation. External motivation, which is hot and fiery and Internal motivation; which is feeling prompted to take action for your own self-interest. It’s about doing something because you care about you; because you want yourself to be happy, because you know how much calmer/joyous/simple or enriched your life will be if you choose to take this action/ make change. 

Seems pretty simple right… Try to do it for others and your steam will run out fast… You’ll lack sufficient follow through to create any lasting results. Or do it for yourself and stay consistent, and sure enough in time the results show up and you enjoy the process so much that you still keep going. Obviously right now, your probably realizing that internal motivation is the holy grail of lasting change. 

 

So ask yourself right now, what do I truly want most right now? Disregard any supposed limitation… If you could receive anything you truly desired what would it be? Write it down/ say it out loud now:

My deepest desire is: …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Great, well done. Now I want you to write down the 3 most powerful internal (you-focused) reasons why you want this (Reasons why it will directly benefit you personally):

1)

2)

3)

Now, how are you feeling? Can you feel that surge of power and energy inside, the light that has gone on, you have a sense of purpose and intention. This is what we are made for; to acknowledge our deepest desires, and to know why we truly want them, and then to go out and do whatever needs to be done to receive it/them/that.

Week 5, Intuitive Eating Challenge for Isabelle & Lilly

Isabelle

This week has been a bit up and down, I've had some really, really good days and some really really bad days.  Today for example, was one of those bad days.  I was all on my own at home, had no study or work to do so had a great lazy day just watching movies and doing nothing of value.  I went to the supermarket and got myself a few treats, which ideally should last the week, except, they haven't.  I wasn't hungry, but I was bored, there was no one to witness me being a piggy and there is something about tim tams that i just can't say no to.  So that's the whole pack gone, along with heaps more food that I wasn't hungry for, or craving, it was just there and for some reason self control and reasoning didn't kick in.  But now the guilt has kicked in, knowing i've let myself down and I'm actually feeling pretty sick since all that food too!  But I also need to remind myself that tomorrow is another day, and there is no point dwelling on today.  It's been a good reminder - the guilt and sick feeling really isn't worth gorging myself.

I know my cues, I know when I'm hungry and when I can stop eating, I just need to remember to acknowledge that instead of ignoring it.

Unfortunately, I have put on 200g this week but this little reminder to pay attention to my feelings has been beneficial!

Lilly
 

This has been mostly a good week however, there's been some anxiety and a feeling of not fitting in. I have found that I am applying reframing to many situations, but not really my food. This is because food is becoming more and more neutral.  Instead of feeling bad about something, remedying by eating too much and then focussing all my negativity and guilt on my weight and ‘eating problems’ I have begun to be conscious of my emotions and separately conscious of eating, even if I choose to have a little too much. I have spent years and years speaking harshly to myself for overeating rather than being kind to myself because I feel down about something and for once in my life, my emotions and my food are mostly separated. Of course I have fallen over a couple of times and tried to drown this week’s issues with food, but there is no despair or helplessness in this. In fact, I have never felt happier and more in control. Even when I feel impatient and down about the time that it will take to reach my ideal weight, I can look and see that I am already about ¼ of the way there. I am feeling more and more freedom with food and it is literally liberating me in all aspects of my life. 

101 yay!